17/6/2011

i started to write the blog ... bcoz ... 1 day my friend ask me so suddenly ...
" Cynthia , i ask you a private question, are you really feel so unhappy with my life?"
my answer was YES !
i dont have the mean tht i dont appreciate my family ...
is just i dont feel like all of my important person really cares abt me ...
mayb im not the one which is important in their heart ...
make an example ....
everytimes whn i talk to my dad ...
he wont have the patient talk to me ...
always shout at me ...
why he can speak so softly to both of my sister ?
wht i did wrong ???
sure smetimes im really stupid ...
i cant really get wht he is talking ...
but i try to understand ...
he always say i dont improve myself ...
he say i always go out with friends ...
i didnt study ...
i ask myself... do i really didnt study ???
i have ... i try my best to memoriez everything ...
i try to get high marks in every subject ...
but i didnt get it ...
open school day he will take action again ...
i hate this life ...
before he didnt marry ...
his attitude wasnt like tht ...
after he married ... only one word to suscribe ... CHANGE
sometimes i really want to share out my feeling with you ...
but you doesnt want to listen to me
u always say im noisy ....
IT's REALLY HURT !!!!
i try to keep my tears off ...
one days ....
whn i really say im gonna leave dad ...
im going to leave the house n study at another country ...
im wondering ... wht would u try to tell ...
my dad havee this atitude i should accept ...
because he is my father ...
i cant do anything tht dont respect him ...
not only my life have family ...
my life still got friends ...
but compare with last year ...
change a lot ...
i try to say at here ...
because i dont know which ppl i need to tell out how i feel ...
scared my tears will comes out ...
really sorry ...
pls dont mind tht i wrote here ...
slowly ...
friends ... really got a distance from me n my friends ~
SHE IS THE ONE AND THE ONLY 1 ask me ....
why i am so unhappy in my life ...
whn she asked...
im really touch ...
she told me she viewed my blog ...
we have been 9 years of friend ...
im very proud tht i have YOU as my friends ...
i saw someones wrote ... izit everything change ...
ya ... i can answer is change ...
if u scare i view wht you wrote and u change the links ...
is ok ...
i dont force u to let me know wht u writting ...
i didnt go any wrong to you ....
i swear i dont
you can be the one who believe it or not ...
i wont feel like guilty ...
becoz ...
i know wht im doing ...
everytimes i told out how my feel ...
u just like nothing ... and like being cares ...
after i notice ... i STOP
i dont do those kind of stupid n disturb you ...
ya ... i know sometimes i really left you alone ...
im trying to find my way out ...
i try to get something new ...
i want to get out of this kind of world ...
4 years of friends ...
i dont really want to break up ...
i do really appreciate you as my friend ...
i can say everything change is bot of us ...
our mind is different ...
we got our own world ..
you have your own world ...
i dont try to intterupt ...
sometimes i just give out my comment ...
n tht's all ...
everytime i tall all of you dont listen ...
i asked : do you hear me ??
and all of you sure said ... I DONT ANSWER DOESNT MEAN IM NOT LISTENING ....
i scared ...
ya ... i really scared ...
i feel i really lonely ... i scared ...
i dont you guys family ...
i so admire you guys got ...
eveytimes i saw all of you tell out ur father and mother ... i heard ... i feel like so ... why my family being likfe tht ?
im not trying to say wht to you guys ...
i know all of you got your own family's problem ...
and some kind of family is worst thn me ...
im just here to tell out how i feel ...
im not force you to do anything to me ...
no ...
i just try to tell out my feeling ...
i have knew a friends ...
she is also a good friend to me ...
she really clever ...
sometimes she tell me abt her high marks ...
i will always feel like so ... useless to get low marks ...
really ...
you are so nice ...
you cook to me ...
really nice ...
it really yummy ...
i try to stop this kind of negative thinking ...
everything i try to smile ...
whn i really unhappy ...
i keep quite ...
i gossip n complain just tell tht im fine ...
who know abt the feeling ...
my life is really get hurt sometimes ...
but is ok ...
i try to control ...
eveything will be fine ...
i hope so ...

END...